DBT helps our students find greater success in their lives, particularly when it comes to working with others.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy: How DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST Skills Can Improve Your Relationships and Maintain Your Self-Respect
PROVO, UTAH, US, April 14, 2021 /EINPresswire.com/ -- The DEAR MAN strategy is part of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, an evidence-based form of therapy designed to help you live your best life. DEAR MAN is an acronym to help you remember a behavioral strategy that can make it more likely that you get what you want from other people. It is not a Jedi mind control trick but rather a strategy to help you assert yourself to other people while maintaining healthy relationships. There are seven steps to DEAR MAN.
D ? Describe the situation.
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When you describe the situation, stick to the facts. It is a good idea to try to remove yourself from the situation, and speak as if you were an impartial third party.
For example, imagine that your teenage son has been coming home after the curfew you set for him. You could describe the situation by saying, ?You have been late coming home three times this week.?
E ? Express how you feel about the situation.
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Avoid getting upset. Express how you feel using I-statements. When you express your feelings, beliefs, and needs starting with the word ?I?, then you are using an I-statement. I-statements are important because they keep communication open.
In the example, you might say, ?I worry about you when it is late, and I don?t know where you are.? Your son will be more likely to continue engaging with you if you use I-statements rather than if you said, ?You are irresponsible.? or ?You make me worry.?
A ? Assert yourself.
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Assert yourself does not mean being aggressive. It means asking directly for what you want. Asserting yourself can be uncomfortable, but keep in mind that people cannot read your mind. By clearly expressing what you want or need, you are helping other people to support you.
Looking at the example, you might tell your son, ?I need you to come home on time.?
R ? Reinforce your request.
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In relationships, we reward each other for doing things that we like all the time. This could be something as simple as saying, ?Thank you.? or baking a cake for someone who has done something nice for you.
For example, you might tell your son, ?I would be more willing to let you spend time with your friends if you show me that you can be responsible.?
M ? Mindfulness is vital.
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Keep your focus on what you want. Avoid distractions. If the person that you are asserting yourself to attacks you personally, hold your ground. Ignore attacks.
If your son begins to verbally attack you, do your best to remain composed and focused.
A ? Appear Confident.
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For many people, asserting yourself is uncomfortable. You might not feel confident, but that does not mean you cannot look confident.
When you are talking with your son, make eye contact. Speak calmly, clearly and loudly.
N ? Negotiate.
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For many people, asserting yourself is uncomfortable. You might not feel confident, but that does not mean you cannot look confident.
When you are talking with your son, make eye contact. Speak calmly, clearly and loudly.
Not only does using the DEAR MAN skill help you get what you want, it helps you preserve your relationships in the process. This strategy is one of the many ways that DBT can help you to live your best life.
One of the major components of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is Interpersonal Effectiveness, or improving your relationship with other people. One set of strategies that will allow you to improve your relationship with other people is represented by the acronym GIVE FAST. GIVE Skills are designed to help you maintain healthy relationships. FAST Skills are designed to help you preserve your self-respect when you interact with other people.
GIVE Skills
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G ? The G is a reminder to be gentle. This means being nice and respectful. Avoid verbal and physical attacks. Also, avoid gestures that could be threatening or insulting. For example, do not clench your fists, smirk, roll your eyes, or suck your teeth.
I ? The I stands for interested, as in, ?Act interested.? Whether or not you are genuinely interested in the other person?s point of view, do your best to act interested by facing the other person and maintain eye contact. Do your best not to interrupt or talk over the other person.
V ? The V stands for validate. Validating someone means that you show them you understand their point of view and why they think the things that they do.
E ? The E is a reminder to use an easy manner. Smile! If you can, use humor.
FAST Skills
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F ? The F in FAST represents fair. It is important to be fair to other people, however, it is equally important to be fair to yourself. Appreciate your own worth and your own needs.
A ? The A stands for don?t over-apologize. This does not mean that you must stop apologizing if you have genuinely done something wrong. It means do not apologize for asking for something you need, having an opinion, or disagreeing. It also means that you should not look apologetic by letting your shoulders slump or keeping your eyes downcast.
S ? The S is a reminder to stick to your own values. Clearly, communicate what you believe, and do not be afraid to ?stick to your guns? when it comes to your values.
T ? The T stands for truthful. Do not lie. Lying to get what you want not only has the potential to compromise your relationship with the other person, lying also compromises your own self-respect.
Contact Discovery Academy
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